Killing Time
by Late to the Party
Summary: Ascension is everything it cracked up to be and more. So, so much more. So much in fact that our hero has taken to monologuing. Just another day in the life of the lord of Murder. One-shot. AU.


"And you decided to do what?" the current lord of Murder mocked his reflection in the pool, a remnant of the time before his ascension. It amused him to keep the chambers of testing there, to occasionally revisit them. Supposedly, there were many more battles to fight, many enemies left to quell but things had been really, really slow and try as he might, he hadn't been able to foresee his death and things just kept ticking along.

His reflection stared back, unamused and unimpressed. It had a will of its own, perhaps because he willed it that way.

"I decided to create a legion, ten legions, ten thousand legions of the dead. Sentient dead. Undead. All with the will to believe. The will to believe in me." The lord of Murder narrated, choosing to monologue and wondering why he didn't have a skull as a hand-puppet. 'Kill the mouthy one I always say', a distant memory sighed. Those were good times. But talking skulls were overdone and no longer original.

"Oh, what is the point?" the god lamented when the reflection chose to ignore him. "The point, my dear sir, is this: it is time for more experiments. I was promised power! Power!" Cue mad cackle that he didn't actually feel. "And now I have it – I wish to test its limits. I mean, that was the whole point of this mad escapade wasn't it? To have the power to live. After all, life is strength. Even creatures magical have fallen before me. But now what? I'm just one of dozens. Dozens and dozens. A me lost in a sea. I'm bored, bored bored bored bored _bored. _And I miss them. I actually miss them. Don't you see? I'm so bored I'm this close to bringing the whole bally lot of them back? What? Who? No, no, no, not _them_, my siblings. You know, in that whole coliseum tomb thing, with the crushed statues. What's life without family? Yes, I know, I did kill some of them, many of them, but I didn't kill all of them. Maybe Haer'dalis was right. Maybe _Xan_ was right.

"What? No, I don't want to talk with Cyric. I don't even sound like him. And no, I don't want to summon up some archdemon and try to take over Faerun. I'm not _that_ bored. Besides, didn't I spend too many hours trudging along trying to stop that from happening? Consistency, my dear er me, consistency. Nine hells, I'd even take seeing that Solar again but she flew off somewhere. Probably romancing some dragon. I'm beginning to see why dear old dad had so many- in fact, no, let's not go there. No, I'm not thinking about bringing back Chinchilla. Uuuugh.

"Yes, I suppose I could offer them some kind of deal. They'll probably break it and betray me. Who to start with though? What? No, Imoen left, got tired of hanging around here. I don't blame her. They all did. What about that nice elf? Yes, the one who tried to kill me in the forest. We didn't really have long to chat. Maybe things might have been… no, you're right, she probably would still try to kill me. But things are different now, aren't they? What do you mean 'no'? Well what do you suggest then? It's just us in here now. Even that stupid butler imp found another job. Yes, I suppose I could go haunt another temple _again_ but I did that last month.

"No, I don't want to read the 'history of the dead three'. Never thought I'd relate so well… I wonder who would be most deserving? Probably Sarry. Yes, I know, but I always felt we had a connection him and I… oh shut up. You really are just… me, I suppose. What was that about the first sign of madness? It's hardly talking to myself if I gave you a will of your own. Well, technically. Anyway, legion of undead sentient beings. No, I don't know what to name them. Maybe we can make the realm's biggest circus and have them go on tour? There's an idea. Some elephant bones, some dragons… eh, who am I kidding?

"Yes, I will monologue. It's not like I need that journal any more. I need to get out more. No wonder dad had that shapeshifting avatar. Too bad its dead. What? Yeah, I could revive it. Why don't I? You saw that claw and horn. Ugly, ugly thing. Yeah, I know I don't need to stay in that form. Why do I have to be so disagreeable? Look, if you're not going to keep me company, I'm just going to have to have my circus. I don't care if it'll keep me entertained for a tenday. No, I don't want an afterlife where all the murderers hang out. They're murderers. Hey, I was just trying to survive. I went out of my way to spare people. Wish I hadn't. At least then I'd have someone else to talk to.

"You know what? Shut up. Just go away. I'm making my circus. And I'm bringing back my siblings – yes, I know, half siblings. I don't care. Chaos sounds better than boredom right now. I'm sure they can join the circus too. Gromnir would look great as a juggling clown. Ilasera can be on the tightrope and trapeze. Sendai can do backflips, front-flips, cartwheels and Yaga-Shura can swallow fire. Sarry can be the strongman, Viekang the Mime, and Imoen the announcer. Wherever the Nine Hells she is.

"Do you have any better ideas? Huh? Yeah, I guess I could try asking the Solar if she'll partake. Those gods in Mount Celestia are such snobs. Don't they know what a tea-time invitation is? ? Maybe I can put in for a transfer for another portfolio – hells no, not 'love'. Gross. There's quite enough unclad dancing in the realms. What? Yes, of course our skeletons are going to dance. Oh. Yes, I take your point. What else? An illusionist gnome – aha, no, seriously, no. But maybe magic tricks. And a medusa, we definitely need one of those. How did it ever come to this? Just gotta find ways to _Murder time._"


End file.
